It’s 1 am in California and 4 am in Atlanta. I’ve spent the last 3 hours saying goodbye to one of the best persons in my life. He left at 9:15, July 19th, 2014. I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.  

What have I done? Why am I like this? Why can’t I just be happy with what i have? Who I have? Why couldn’t I just love him like how I tried so hard to. 

During finals week we ordered Thai takeout so we could stay in and study. Both dishes we got were ones I picked, and they were both extremely spicy. Especially Richard’s. His was supposed to be just a vegetable dish, but it had red peppers all over it. Real red peppers. Hot. Spicy. Too spicy. I had ordered Pad Kee Ma, which is normally not spicy but for some reason they cranked up the spice meter. 

We started out quiet, digging in to the food. After a couple minutes of eating, we both started going “Man is uh, is your food hot?” “Yeah, a little.” “Yeah mine’s a little hot too.” “Uh can you grab me a glass of water on your way out?” “Want to switch dishes?”

The spicy eventually built up to the point where we were both taking short little breaths of air to try and cool off our mouths. There we were, sitting in Richard’s dorm room with half finished take out, papers for studying strewn everywhere, just panting and gulping down water, looking at each other. 

Richard never blamed me for choosing those dishes. And I found that moment absolutely hilarious. It’s still one of my happy place Harry Potter pictures. One of those moments frozen in that moment. Thank you. I love you still. 

Just don’t forget to breathe. You and I will both make it.


so much weight

on this fragile heart of mine

new place. new world.

time to get lost. *eeeee*

Lolzzzzz braid

Make it count. (…not the best thumbnail…)